Another few weeks and the World Cup will be here! Crazy!!! It's going to be such a crazy place in South Africa. I can't believe I'm actually staying here in South Africa for the World Cup. 

I mean it's already been challenging and all for me and it's going to keep being crazy. My flatmate had this crazy spiritual attack, but it was physical the other night and that made me realize once again how real this is. Things are so real here. We are in a battle. It's basically us needing to stand firm, stand strong all the time because it is a huge battle we're in. The enemy hates what we're doing. So it's really crazy and all. 

So what has my life been all about? Well researching, reading, running errands. It's actually really fun. I love that. I love how it goes. I am enjoying the after dts part of this! It's great.That was a bipolar post thing here.

I was listening to Fearless by Taylor Swift tonight and I was just realizing like what is going on. What am I doing with my life. It feels crazy and out of control at the same time but at the same time I totally don't have the control, God does. I know it sounds cliche and all but I am legitly living by faith at the moment. It's like how they say how YWAM ruins people for the ordinary and I use to never really believe or understand what they were saying until I lived it. Here I was moving to South Africa, to work in Thailand and Cambodia with multiple people whom I love and cherish so much. It's like how could I ever go back to where I was before. How can I go back home and try to go straight back into the things I knew always and forever. It's like the person I am today is completely different from the person that left Canada in late September. I don't even know what's going on anymore.

Sometimes I feel like I don't know what I am doing, my DTSers have all left and here I am. Sometimes it really truly feels like I have slid back a little. I have been sick for the last month and it's been kind of hard to keep up my energy level so anytime I have an outburst it's because yeah I don't even know half the time.

It's like everything I ever knew was thrown up and split into a million pieces and now it's like "Ok D, now it's your turn to really use all the things that I taught you with the safety of your group now go and use them:" except I realize that I'm still in the YWAM bubble but it's still like one more step into where I am going to.

How can I use these things that I've learned. How can I be the best ever that I have been trained in.

Sometimes I miss Canada. I don't know why. Maybe it's because everyone else has gone home except for a the sbsers and a few others who are super busy all the time. It's always like starting over again. I'm not good with change. I am learning that. Learning to really lay everything down and learn this. I never did before. It's hard. Life was never suppose to be easy though. God is really teaching me a whole heck of a lot now. Forever and always. I don't want to stop learning.

I even considered going back to University because I missed learning like how I would in University. I am crazy I think.

I can't wait for the World Cup though! It's going to be sweet to come back with stories that I will have to share about it and just being there. This is something I've never even experienced and so it's going to be seriously one of the craziest events ever!!!

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